We all know that change is inevitable and yet we resist it with all our might, and that costs us a lot of energy and pain. The thing with change is that we know what we give up but we can’t be certain what we will receive in return. We can have a good guess, we can be very intentional in our process but we don’t have any guarantees about the result. If we can make friends with the idea that change is inevitable and that resistance is futile, we can move into a place of allowing, trust and flow.
These steps have helped me shift my perspective:
1. Control. A good place to start is to consider, what we can control and what is out of our control. The weather is out of our control but how we prepare and respond to it is within our control. We can be grumpy about the rain or we can be glad the plants get watered.
2. Gather evidence. Think of those times when you surrendered to change. How much suffering did you hold on to until you stopped resisting and went along a different path? Find as many examples as you can. Big and small, old and new, important and flimsy.
3. Listen. Start tuning into your inner voice. This might take some time because your self-talk and your inner voice are two different entities. Your self-talk is your ego, your inner voice is your soul, your essence, your authentic you. Think of a time where you KNEW you should have done something but you ignored that quiet voice and then regretted it afterwards because it was right.
4. Get out ahead of it! We’ve all been there: we resisted change until change pushed us over the edge. And it was a bumpy and scary ride. If you don’t enjoy that sort of scenario, start recognising what needs to change and get out ahead of it. If you’re not sure of how to go about it, work with a coach to guide you along the way.
Feel free to share in the comments any experience described above. When did change knock you over? Do you fight what you can’t control? When did you exclaim “why didn’t I do this earlier?”
Curious about an anecdote from my life of when I realised what was holding me back when I was procrastinating an assignment? In this video I share a story of when two of the above strategies helped me pass an assessment I had been putting off for far too long.
Have you ever had a conversation that lead you to see an issue in a different light? What changed? Your perception of it.
Our imagination is a powerful tool that we can use for better and for worse. Biologically we have a negativity bias to keep us safe; it’s more important for our survival in the wild to notice the threat than it is to carelessly enjoy the beauty around us. Alas, in our rather unnatural way of life these days, we are relatively safe from being eaten by predators or struck by lightning. We are in the empowering position to focus our attention towards thriving rather than on mere surviving. And this focus starts with how we interpret our world, it’s a question of what filter do we want to use? We all have empowering beliefs and limiting beliefs. We may be aware of some but most of our beliefs about our world are programmes that run in the depths of our unconscious mind. We can ask specific questions to bring those beliefs to light which is work that a coach specialises in.
But you can start with these three steps on your own:
1. Gratitude. Intentionally change your focus from what causes your suffering to what you appreciate in your world. The practice of gratitude and appreciation is a powerful tool for creating positive change.
2. Contrast. Know what you don’t want to know what you do want. If you know what you don’t want you can make choices that support what you do want instead.
3. Believe. Let your imagination free reign and allow yourself to believe that there actually is another way. Having an open mind will give you many more possible options to consider.
Tell me in the comments, what are you grateful for, what contrast has shown you what you prefer, what do you believe is possible for you?
And then have a look at this video to find out how those three steps have helped me along the way:
Where I am, it is autumn. The leaves are changing colour, the trees are letting go, the weather is changing every few minutes. Autumn is showing us change in all its beauty and possibility.
We often think of change as being scary as it means venturing into the unknown or it could involve picking up a long-lost thread apprehensive of what we might find.
But think of something that you decided to change in your life, big or small, recent or long ago. Was it for the better or for the worse? Either way, was it worth it in the end? I would hope to think it was!
If we reframe change as opportunity, exploration, curiosity, a breath of fresh air, out with the old and in with the new, change takes on a much more exciting and positive nature.
If we’re finding ourselves in a situation we’re not happy in, we have three options:
1. Stay and continue to suffer
2. Stay and do something differently to improve the situation
3. Leave and try something new
Where are you finding yourself in a situation that you would like to see a change?
What scenario came up when you thought about a change you’ve experienced in the past?
Share with us in the comments! It would be fascinating to see if there are similarities or a common thread!
And after posting your comment, you may want to hear one of my stories of change, specifically how I considered the above three options when choosing how to move forwards.
Knowing who we are at our core is something many of us search for and work towards. We dig deep to uncover our beliefs and values, our reasons to do and not to do things. Our beliefs and values drive every little decision we make, every action and reaction, and most of the time we aren’t actually aware of it.
To me, excavating my beliefs and values is super exciting! Whenever I come across a new insight into why I have a certain idea about myself and the world or why I reacted to something in a certain way, I can examine it and decide whether that is helping or hindering me in regard to what I’m striving for and who I want to be.
Showing up in the world aligned with our core identity means we’re living with integrity and congruence. Today’s buzz word here would be authenticity.
Doing the work of digging deep is beautiful and painful, rewarding and exhausting, scary and joyous. And it is something you have to experience to understand. There are many different teachers and techniques out there, if you’re truly curious about who you are at your core, you’ll find a way to discover yourself.
Saying that, I don’t think there’s an actual end to that sort of work. As we uncover the layers and layers of our interpretation of our past experiences, our projections into the future, and our current state, we will always be in some form of flux, shifting, moving, growing.
My first insight of this sort was initiated by a book by Louise L. Hay when I was in my late teens. That sparked my curiosity and led me on my journey to this day. There have been many other books, journaling, trainings, therapists, podcasts, forms of meditation, and NLP and Coaching Qualifications.
It is for those sparks of insight that we work with a coach, and what we coaches aim to see in our clients. It’s a beautiful thing!
If you wold like to uncover some of your beliefs and find alignment with who you are at your core, let’s chat!
PS: To find out why alignment of your physical core is important, read on here.
This is a subject that is very dear to me and if you’re reading this, you too might have come to the point where you would like to do more of what you love.
All too often we focus on everything we HAVE TO do or we think we SHOULD do, and what we actually LOVE to do gets far too little, if any attention. You might agree that in an ideal world everybody spends the day doing what they love instead of hating every minute of their 9-5 or dreading Monday morning, day dreaming about the next weekend or the next holiday.
In an ideal world there wouldn’t be any need to wish our precious days away longing for an escape. If we do what we love we love what we do and it makes us happy instead of miserable.
And even if it’s not the big career change. Just adding more of what you love into your time after work and on the weekends will make you feel more alive and more fulfilled.
I had a normal 9-5 office job that was ticking along nicely. It wasn’t my dream job but it wasn’t awful either. I was good at what I was doing, some colleagues were fabulous to connect with, others not so much, some days were stressful and overwhelming and others were fun and easy-going. My way of distracting myself from the fact that my work was not what I was truly passionate about was by having a hobby that was fun and uplifting, where I connected with good friends and like-minded people. Having that life parallel to my day-job made all the difference at the time.
Until it wasn’t enough and I needed to make the transition from that 9-5 job to running my own business and to do what I truly enjoy doing every day.
Whether you long to be more creative, enjoy your spare time more, or whether you’re ready to make that leap to a new career, just imagine that in a year from now you’ll be glad you made the first step today.
The link will take you to Acuity Scheduling.
Look around your place, or recall it if you’re not at home, and ask yourself:
“Do I love what I see?”
If the answer is “Yes!” that’s fabulous, move along :)
But if the answer is “No” with a big sigh, read on…
There are many inspiring bloggers and writers out there who are into de-cluttering, getting organised and even minimalism. And I encourage you to find and follow your favourites!
But it’s one thing to read a blog post about the joys of less stuff and actually doing the work of clearing out and letting go.
There could be many things that hold us back to get on with it even though we long for a more calm and peaceful space.
Some hurdles may be not having the time, not having the energy, not seeing the point as it would be back in no time, not making it priority with everything else going on, not believing it could be done, and that emotional attachment we can have to our things.
And that’s where a Personal Development Coach can help you! We get to the bottom of the stumbling blocks and find the right motivation to get it done. And I’ll cheer you on along the way!
Wouldn’t it be amazing to start the New Year with a home you can relax in?
Where everything has its place and you know where everything is?
If that sounds like a beautiful thing, book your Discovery Call to have a quick chat about how to go from stuff everywhere to de-cluttered and organised!
The New Year is approaching and many of us are making New Year’s resolutions with the sincerest intentions that this time around, they will stick!
Just like the previous time, and the time before that :)
If you think back at the year when you managed to follow through with your New Year’s Resolution, and compare it with one that didn’t stick around; What are the differences? Why was one successful and the other one wasn’t?
That is exactly what we uncover during Personal Development Coaching, and find a way to making this year’s resolution a successful one!
What's your New Year’s Resolution this year?
Is it establishing healthy new habits like being more active or focusing on good nutrition, or making some changes in your career, or spending more time with your friends & family, or being more organised and clutter free, or simply doing more of what you love?
Let me support you in making this year the year your New Year’s Resolution sticks!
Book your Discovery Session and let’s have a chat.
One of the first things a coach will ask you is “What is your goal?”.
To create a path to where you want to be, we need to know the destination of course. Where do you want to be? Professionally, creatively, physically, personally? And be precise!
“Getting fit” is not a precise goal. Far from it! What exact result do you want to see and when. For example, being able to run for 30 minutes without stopping, by 3rd January. That is much clearer already.
Having established that, we can then find out why you want to achieve that goal. And by "why" I don’t mean the surface reasons such as “because it’s healthy” or “because I should be more active”. Yes, of course those are good things but that’s not going to inspire you to keep going when it’s getting tough or you simply don't feel like it.
There always is something else hiding behind those surface reasons that is the real reason. Sometimes they are very natural motivations such as “I want to be able to play with my children and grandchildren without getting out of breath so quickly”, or “I saw my parents getting very frail once they stopped being active and I don’t want to end up down the same path”. Now there we have reasons that we have an emotional connection to. They pull at your heart strings. They will be what’s getting us up and into the park instead of skipping the session and watching telly curled up on the sofa.
The importance of a clear “Why” has become very popular. If you haven’t come across Simon Sinek’s TED Talk “Start with Why” you may want to watch this short introduction to how he found his “Why”.